Go Speed Racer Go!

I was going to write an honest review of Speed Racer. Y'know, just like all the others. Summary, a few pictures, a bit of thought on the subject, and maybe an end note or two. Fun for the whole family. (Okay, maybe fun for just me).

Found out I couldn't do that. I don't know why. I suspect that maybe, just maybe, I like the cartoon just a little too much.

For more, click here.

The first sign of this came early. I decided off the bat to write the summary mimicking the rapid delivery of the series:

ItlookedalittlelikethisandGodwasithardkeepingfromhittingthespacebar.

All in good fun, right? Only try and imagine two good sized paragraphs written like that. I grinned like a loon writing, but after a couple hours thought I realized it was just too hard to read. Making your readers suffer trying to read what you read while you giggle manically is generally considered a BAD IDEA.

The next sign was the screen caps. Battle of the Planets I grabbed two then stopped. The King Kong Show I did a bit of looking for but stopped at three. I had six from Speed Racer almost off the bat and I wasn't done yet. I tried maybe a half a dozen tries on one image before giving up. Worse, I was searching for ways to incorporate all of them into the review. The exact number for all of them, of course, had yet to be decided.

Mix all of this with having no idea where to begin, and Houston, we've got problems.

So, what is it about Speed Racer I love so much? It's, without a doubt, one of the most bizarre cartoons out there. There's the aforementioned rapid delivery, as if racing to finish each gargantuan sentence on time. (They probably were.) In places, it's damn near surreal. Speed Racer is one of the few anime I never want to see in the original language. It simply wouldn't be the same.

Next there's the little detail that most of the characters who appeared on the show, from guest to the regulars, were eccentric to the point of being loony. Case in point: Speed's kid brother Spridel. His obsession with candy is something to see. Between that and his insistence on riding around in the Mach-5's trunk... Weird kid.

With this comes the bizarre names. Acey Deucey? Inspector Detector? What were they (or their parents) thinking? I realize, of course, that these were the American version names, that in truth the characters had real sounding names. Just another reason not to see this series subtitled, I say.

For the most part, Speed Racer is clearly a comedy. People get themselves into horrible situations that should leave them crippled or killed, only to seen out and about a scene later (granted sometimes nearly covered in bandages.) Spridel and his pet chimp Chim Chim can stand one each others shoulders and pass as an adult. Candy is consumed by the ton with no ill effect. (Well, maybe not a ton... but still...)

But when you get to the races, people die left and right. Take a look at that picture to the right. No way the driver of the green car walked out of that alive. And that wasn't even The Most Dangerous Race, the course that routinely slaughters those who attempt it.

Finally we get to the Mach-5 itself, one of the most unique vehicles out there. It can drive under water, scale mounts, and jump (!) over obstacles. But what gets me are the two saw blades that Speed can extend from the front of the car. No way that's legal. Or, really, practical, despite the fact he gets a whole lot of use out of them.

It's all just so gloriously silly. Like with Godzilla and his Kaiju kin, I can watch Speed Racer and recapture my youth, without sitting there and wondering about what was going through my young head.

End Notes

• It occured to me after posting this rave that if Speed Racer was remade today, Trixie, the pretty girl pictured above the Diabolical Duo, would no doubt have breasts the size of the Death Star and be subject to much fan service. Thank God that ain't going to happen. (Please God don't let it happen.) [Future Cullen sez: A new Speed Racer is coming. While it is not as bad as this note feared, it's clear that God has abandoned me.]
  
• Speaking of being remade, Speed Racer has had his share of remakes and reimaging. One other anime, I believe, and an American-made monstrousity. We will not speak further of these here any time soon.
  

What is This?

I grow a year older and lose the ability to write in my blog? The Hell, man! The Hell!

Naw, naw! Aint happening. Monday, come Hell or high water, we'll see a Speed Racer gushing! not a review, a gushing!

It sounds worse than it is!


I hope...

Workin'

Or, rather, watching. I'm watchin' Speed Racer for the review. Will be back soon. Hopefully.

Not a Clue

Not one idea. Nothing. Iffin something comes into mind, I'll put it up later today. Else...

It happens.

(Also, Blogger's acting WEIRD. That doesn't help, either.)

Dark Mood

Well, I've gone and worked myself into a bleak little mood. Go me. I'm going to focus on my note today (working on the aformentioned short stories) and try not to think to much. Thinking's always gotten me in trouble.

Not that thinking has been represent all that often by me on this blog.

If I don't speak again this weekend, I'll see you all Monday.

So

Here's where the blog stands on this Day o' Doom:

• Watched the last episode of Paranoia Agent. Man, is this a wild series. Might talk about it in the future.
• Might have to skip a few animes in the current series of reviews. I, uh, haven't seen Robotech and Voltron in forever and don't have the same quality of reviews. I'm probably just skipping to Speed Racer.
• We might, might I tell you, be talking about clevage in certain comics/anime. Might. Nothing too crude. Except, well, I'm using examples. But I'll be tasteful.
• Really. Tasteful. not R or X stuff at all.
• I also might be talking about Record of Lodoss War. Talking about Dungeons and Dragons the other day's made me nostalgic. Or something.
• My mom reads this, sometimes. So does my dad. So the cleavage stuff not going to be that bad.
• I'm going to hell just for thinking about this, aren't I?
• Glad I never posted on the Dalek Porn.
• Gawd, is my face red.
  

+1

Everything I said in this post last year remains true this year. Um, except you should add 1 to all of the numbers.

Have a good day.

DragonLance Movie

There's a movie in the works based on the DragonLance: Dragons of Autumn Twilight. It's an animated feature, starring, from what I've heard, Lucy Lawless and Kiether Sutherland. It'll be released in 2007.

You might note that Mr. Waters is not enthused. I'm interested, and then again I don't really care.

DragonLance Chronicles was a trilogy of novels that came out 1984 - 85. I think I read them for the first time around that point... Though don't hold me to that. It's been a while.

The story itself is standard Epic Fantasy stuff. We got our band of outsiders, we got our Dark Lord (in this case a evil Goddess), we got a lot of running around and a final confrontation between good and evil. It was based on the roleplaying game Dungeons and Dragons. In fact, it was part of a major gameline release for TSR.

Back when I read it, I loved every page. But now that I've grown, that I've read other things, it all seems a bit shallow. Lacking.

Maybe it's not fair, comparing it to the works of Steven Donaldson, or Terry Brooks, or Tolkien, three of the best writers of Epic Fantasy. It's sure as hell not fair to comapre it to the Fantasy works of Charles Beaumont or Theodore Sturgeon or Steven Burst (where's our Vlad Taltos movie, Hollywood?).

And yet I do. I've read better stuff. And some of that stuff would be far neater to see in a film.

Whatever. I'm pulling for a good movie in any case. Something better than the last movies associated with Dungeons and Dragons.

"The King Kong Show - Volume One" - A Review

Young Bobby Bond has a very unusual friend: the 8^th Wonder of the World, King Kong. Together with the help of his father Professor Bond, his sister Susan, and crusty old Captain Englehorn, they lead a life of adventure on Mondo (Skull) Island.

This particular disc has episodes dealing with hunters from this world and beyond, underworld civilizations, disgruntled dinosaurs, and more. Also contained there in is our heroes first encounter with their chief enemy, the evil Doctor Who, as well as their first meeting and adventures.

In the list of great theme songs, the theme to The King Kong Show (TKKS) stands... well, “ten times as big as a man.” It lingers pleasantly in the mind, as good theme songs should. For the longest time it, as well as a few small moments, was all I remembered of this childhood favorite.

By the time TKKS finally came out on DVD, I had been well burned on a lot of the cartoons I loved as a kid. For every one series I could still enjoy, there were five or so I couldn't. My hopes were so low, I only bought one of the two DVD's available. I wasn't expecting much.

Which is probably why I ended up liking the thing as much as I did. My expectations were really, really low.

TKKS suffers the same problems as Battle of the Planet (BotP), namely it doesn't always make a lot of logical sense. For instance, in the story “The Spacemen” has a group of Alien Hunters threatening Kong, Bobby, and Captain Englehorn. The aliens state their demands and give our heroes to the count of three to comply. When Kong and co. fail to act according to their wishes, they demonstrate a terrible weapon, then give another three count.

Meanwhile, Bobby and Englehorn discuss their options as the aliens countdown. (For reasons unknown they assume the two are Kong's pets, never minding the fact that the aliens and the humans are all speaking the same language.) The first time through the captain is for running while Bobby wants to stand and fight. The second time, they reverse positions, with Bobby for flight and Englehorn for staying. Ridiculous padding.

Three things put TKKS over BotP. First off, TKKS hasn't been dumbed down for the kiddies like BtoP was. Granted, it's still talking down to a degree. However, I was pleasantly surprised with how serious some of the episodes were.

Secondly, there is a degree of wit in TKKS that BotP doesn't quite possess. The same episode has the aliens bragging as they flee in terror:

We are strong and powerful [Kong growls] and in a hurry!

Also, in the story “Doctor Who”, Susan Bond proves far more capable of dealing with the Doctor's (admittedly stupid) henchman than either her father or her brother, coming up with a means of distracting the man all on her own.* How often did the female characters prove so useful back then?

Finally, each story is short. A usual episode contains two Kong stories that run about seven minutes. Even the lamer stories (I'm looking at you, “Hunter”) zip right past.

All in all, not too too bad. I'm not sure I'd pick up the other discs. But, in fairness, I have on occasion thought about getting more BotP, and that suckers way more painful.

---

End Notes

• Each episode of TKKS also has a Tom of T.H.U.M.B. Story, of equal length. I can't say much about them, as I've (re)watched only one story. Very dumb. Fortunately, the disc allows you to watch chose to watch individual stories, meaning you don't have to watch anything you don't want to watch.

• The pilot episode, “Friend in Need”, is a two parter, ending as Kong is being brought by the Bonds to the mainland. Apparently the second part is on disc 2. Bummer.

• I can't tell you how many times I tried to write Jimmy Bond instead of Bobby Bond...

---

*Of course, the pilot episode, “A Friend in Need”, has her sweeping outside the tents, which strikes me as a touch... dim.

"Battle of the Planets" - A Partial Review

A group of young superheroes known as G Force protect the galaxy from the forces of Spectra. They are aided in this endevour by a monitor robot known as 7-Zark-7 and their own space ship, the Phoenix. Each episode deals with them battling a monsterous robot, a part of a robot, or a group of robots.

Early in my little rant on anime, I rattled off several titles that I watched as a kid. I thought I'd spend the next set of posts talking about each one in turn. Nothing major, just some thoughts I had on viewing these beloved friends as an adult.

Using alphabetical order, we start with Battle of the Planets (BotP), or, in its original form, Kagaku ninja tai Gatchaman (or simply Gatchaman). We do this to prevent Cullen from starting with Speed Racer and then just sort of mysteriously stopping. Because it hurts me to think about this one. Really, really bad.

I loved this show as a kid. I even had a coloring book. I remembered that the episode where Princess seems to have been killed seriously moved me. Of all of the titles we're going to talk about, this was probably the one I wanted to be good the most.

God is it awful. I suppose in a different frame of mind, I could MS3TK the show... But how to get to that frame of mind?

In fairness, I don't think the show is quite as bad as my non-anime childhood favorite, Hanna-Barbera's Godzilla. There are moments in that show that just don't make a lick of sense. You need to be five to seven years old, up too early, high on sugary cereal to really appreciate it. (A blind love of all things Godzilla wouldn't hurt, either.)

There are moments in BotP, though, that really, really hurt the brain. For instance, early in the episode “The Space Mummy”, R2-D2 clone 7-Zark-7 discovers a new planet he names Zarkadia. Not only is this planet inhabited, and thus is no doubt has its own name, but it is also apparently located... ah... located...

Um.

It's located behind Venus.

Left unexplained is just how “Zarkadia” could hide behind a planet. Or how a space fairing people could be so bloody ignorant of their own galaxy!

No sense. What so ever.

I have four episodes of BotP on DVD (which is why this is a partial and not a full review.) The particular collection I have also has the original version of the episodes, the aformentioned Gatchman. I watched them back to back, which only furthers the pain. Gatchaman is far superior. It has its flaws, don't get me wrong. But I'd watch it over BotP in a heartbeat.

---

End Note

• An excellent site on all things Gatcha can be found here

What Do You Mean, There Are Better Things For Me To Post?

¡Soy Henery el octavo, yo soy!
¡Henery el octavo soy! ¡Soy!
Conseguí casado con la puerta siguiente de la viuda,
ella me caso siete veces antes.
Cada era un Henery
que ella no tendría un Willie o un Sam
soy su octavo viejo hombre nombrado Henery
Henery es el octavo yo.

¡Segundo verso, igual que el primer!

Ich bin Henery das achte, ich bin!
Henery das achte bin ich! Ich bin!
Ich heiriet zur Witwe folgenden Tür,
sie werde verbunden siebenmal vorher.
Jedes war ein Henery,
das sie nicht ein Willie haben würde, oder eine Sam
bin ich ihr achter alter Mann, der Henery
Henery genannt wird der achte ich sind.

Ich liebe Babel Fische ein großes... I mean, I love Babel Fish a great deal. Allows a bit of the weird in my life. Most of this probably makes no sense to anyone fluent in Spanish or German, but, really, that just makes it funnier for me.

Notation of a Name - Dominus and Bayley

The name is Barrington J. Bayley. He wrote a short story for a comic book called Dominus years and years ago. The story, as I recall it, deals with a space exploration team dealing with a strange planet and its all-powerful ruler, Dominus. Sort of Lovecrafty in concept if not execution. A panel from that comic can be found here. It's towards the bottom of the page.

A Word About a Forthcoming Release

The all too happy man above is the super villain Kraven the Hunter. For years he's been sort of a joke, seldom a threat, to the amazing Spider-man. But that's all changed. He's done the one thing no other villain has done.

He's killed Spider-man.

Nineteen years ago, Marvel Comics present what has to be one of the greatest Spider-man stories ever written. It's called “Fearful Symmetry: Kraven's Last Hunt”. This August it's being re-released in a hard cover, high quality format.

It's been many a moon since I've read the thing, but this is one comic I don't think I can pass up on...

More information on this can be found over at Newsarama.com

"Afterwards" - a Review

I'm writing this more as a memo to myself than any other reason. We will get to why in just a bit. First, a word on our subject.

Afterwards is a short story written by Edith Wharton that deals with a house that is so subtly haunted that even if you see a ghost, “[y]ou won't know till long, long afterward.” Its owners, Ned and Mary Boyne, are initially put out by this. You see, they would have preferred a more active ghost. Unfortunately for them, however, the spirit interfering in their lives is just active enough.

Which is all you'll get out of me on the subject. Good or bad, a ghost story must tell itself, after all.

Now for why this is a memo. I saw this story on television once. Twenty four years ago, in fact. I didn't need to reread the story, as I remember the plot vividly. Especially Mary Boyne's final words. All I couldn't remember was the title and the author.

Two decades and change I searched. Countless anthologies I read, hoping in vain to stumble across it. I became well versed in ghost stories, but none the wiser to my goal.

On learning of the research powers of the Internet, I pursued the tale by other means. I remembered it was on Mystery! Surely I'd find it there.

Well, they give all the titles, but not any synopsis before 1998. Not very helpful in my quest. But in the end I triumphed. Found the name, reread the story, and promptly forgot name and author.

Ugh.

So, after yet another search, I've found it again. Thus this review.

Was it worth all this hassle? Was it worth twentysome years of hunting?

Oh yeah. Afterwards is classic. You can judge for yourself, as the story is on-line. You can go here, where it is a part of a whole collection of Wharton's ghost stories. Or you can go to Wikisource and read it there. That copy, sadly, gets a bit hard to read in places.

And I thought this blog needed an editor... That one makes me look pro in places.

Today I am No Kin to Polonius

Sometimes you blather on and on about the most trivial details. Others, you can't think of a word worth saying. It happens.

The rewrites are spinning wheels trying to find traction in the icy mud. Or muddy ice. Whichever metaphor works for you.

I have a nasty feeling I'm a one draft and it's done type of person. I'm not talking grammar gaffs and spelling snafus. I'm talking meat and potato plot stuff. I'm afraid that once I'm done with a story, I'm done with a story.

Which bites. But what can you do?

Anyway, haven't given up on the drafts yet. I also stumbled onto an unfinished fragment that I've strove to finish. While I like it, I put it among the stories I doubt will sell. Which means I'll put up here, so that it will at least know some of the joy of being read.

On this, I've rediscovered my What If, the book on writing exercises I mentioned back in the way back. Might go through some exercises and post them here.

This is a Writer's Journal, after all.

Whatever comes, comes. I might stumble on something else to talk about. There's time.

Have I rattled on long enough to make my title ironic...? Or do I need to go spy on some royalty...? Nah. Might be confused with paparazzi. Wouldn't want that. Man's got to have standards. Like "Neither a borrower nor a..."

Yeah, that's pushing it.

The Invasion is Coming - More Cool Doctor Who News

My lord, am I out of touch on things! I completely missed this news the first time around.

Where to begin? At the beginning? Why not?

Back in the day, the BBC was having space issues in their video tape archives. They opted to erase (or junk) a substantial amount of their shows. After all, who would ever want to watch any of those old things, anyways?

Unfortunately, among the shows junked were quite a few Doctor Who serials. These episodes (listed here) are believed to be lost forever. Every now and then someone somewhere will stumble across a clip or, in rare cases, a whole episode. However, for the longest time Doctor Who fans (Whovians) had to accept the fact that they would never experience these stories outside of the novelizations done by Target. (The publishing company, not the store chain. Though that would be cool...)

Here is where the story gets interesting. As VCRs and DVD players did not exist in the 50's and 60's, Whovians had to use different means to record there shows. Namely through audio tape. Thus many of the missing episodes soundtracks were preserved while the whole originals were being junked.

The BBC in 1999 began releasing the stories on CD. These releases contained the original sound track, plus linking narration performed by actors from the series. I have one of these CDs: The Web of Fear. While not quite the same as an old-time radio program, I enjoyed the show immensely and wish I had picked up more.

Now we reach the cool part.

Now we reach the cool part.

The BBC plans to release the Doctor Who serial “The Invasion” on DVD, first in Great Britain then, presumable the US and the rest of the world. This particular story was only slightly junked while the others were being destroyed. Of its seven episodes, two are missing.

I didn't have much interest in this news at first. I own “The Tenth Planet” on tape, which also suffered a partial junking. Its missing episode was replicated by soundtrack and various photos and clips. I was not impressed. I was glad I got the show and all, but the whole thing was a bit disruptive of the whole viewing experience.

Today, however, I learned that the BBC had a much different idea for “The Invasion.” They have had an animation studio called Cosgrove Hall recreate the missing episodes using animation and the aforementioned soundtracks. A trailer of sorts can be found here for the interested.

Now I've seen some of Cosgrove Halls work before, and I can't say that I was impressed then or by the trailer now. Also, going from animation episode to video taped episode will no doubt be jarring. That can't be helped.

All of this is irrelevant, as we are getting new old school Doctor Who. “The Invasion” is, by all accounts, classic Who and I'm dying to see it. More, there might be a chance of further efforts along these lines, especially for stories that have been completely junked. I would love to see stuff like “Galaxy Four”, “The Macra Terror”, and “The Daleks' Masterplan” receive this sort of treatment. It would be...

Well, it would be WAY cool.

More information on the junking of Doctor Who can be found here. A list of the missing episodes and stories can be found here. And, once more, the trailer for “The Invasion” can be found here.

This is Just Too Cool Not To Share

Here are the covers for this weeks edition of the Radio Times, a magazine published across the pond in Great Britian:

I post this not full of fanish delight that two of the Doctor's greatest foes are, for the first time in Doctor Who history meeting and joining in battle and/or partnership against all life. Although I am as giddy as a little kid over the prospect.

No, I'm posting this because the thought of Daleks and Cybermen playing soccer is so delightfully ridiculous that even these pictures make me laugh. Especially the Dalek Supreme. Too silly by far.

Oh! So That's What All the Noise Is About...

Happy Fourth of July everyone. Don't know where my head is. Or yours, either. Shouldn't you be out with your family and friends rather than reading my blog?

I mean, really. Go on. I won't mind.

Spinning Wheels...

...on all fronts for a couple of days. So sad! But it resulted in a little reorganizing of my Devil Box computer. I hope ta post somefin of substance before th week is out.

Cause these little post... they make me sad.

The Month... of DOOM

The Month of Doom is upon me. Specifically. It might be on you, too. I dunno. But it's on me. The one Doom no one can avoid save through... death!

Insert ominous music... now.

In better than two weeks, I will suffer an irrevocable change. It'll be over in an instant, and when it's done, I will never be able to go back!

Scary!

(And to think, as a kid I would look foward to this month...)