Oh Ouch

I'm just looking through the archives here at Welltun Cares, and oh ouch. Oh ouch. Where's an EMP pluse when you need one?

I don't think all of it's bad. Yet. But a lot of it I wish would just go away. Especially the early stuff. Too earnest, maybe.

Dunno.

I'm doing minor corrections on them now. Some of the font was funny colored back before I knew what I was doing with all of this. (Ha ha) If I see some spelling or grammar problems I'll fix 'em. Beyond that... I'll live with it. More than anything else, this site's my writing journal. It's hard to see how I improved (if I improved) without it.

I really should go back to the "one post a day" deal. If for no other reason than the practice and disipline it brings.

The Hell...?! (V): Superman and the Curse of the Acronym

Short post. Just noticed something. Can't believe it didn't just leap out at me.

DC Comics has started a new line of comics book series starring their characters. There are only two so far, but I'm sure more are on the way. The first one was All Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder, which is one of the dumbest titles you could saddle a product.

The second however, manages to top it. All Star Superman. Which has a nice, helpful little acronym for any and all critics to use for it. Sort of like Daffy Duck screaming at Elmer Fudd "SHOOT ME NOW!"

It's probably been pointed out a thousand times by now. I'm probably the last to notice.

But perhaps I shouldn't be one to talk. After all, I've always wanted to write a novel and call it Friendly Unicorns Can Kill. Or something like that...

Site Update - I Still Exist!

Though a bit smaller than I once was. Hat doesn't fit right. Feet don't reach the gas pedal like they used to. Losing an inch per day...

Nothing to worry about.

Seriously, my problem this time is internet access. Meaning I have none. It should be fixed either today or tomorrow. Which is what I've been told for a while now, but I'm not that bitter...

I will be back.

Fantastic Writers - Dean Koontz

For this little essay, I find myself entering spoiler country on a few novels. I will try to limit the details a touch and not mention which books they come from, as to maintain their secrets.

---

I will never read another Dean Koontz novel.

I keep telling myself that. No more.

And yet...

See, at one point I was a BIG Koontz fan. Buying books left and right. Renting them from the library. Enjoying myself to no end.

And then, bit by bit, I grew disenchanted with his stories.

Only that's not quite right. The very first Koontz novel I read I had a problem with. Small one. A single sentence stating that the protagonists learned how to use submachine guns in preparation for the final conflict with the antagonist. It killed the novel for me in two ways. The first is that it significantly reduced the threat level of the antagonist for me. The second is that this is telling of the worst sort.

The ones after that weren't as extreme as that. At least at first. As I read his works, though, I would hit some of the same little bumps. Here's a partial list. Two of these appeared in the same book; they've been separated as not to spoil things too badly.

• One book had two characters listing social ills to each other. This terrible thing happened, that terrible thing happened, the other terrible thing happened. Preach, preach, preach, preach, preach. Before long I just wanted them to shut up. And that was only the first time they did it.
  
• One book had the solution to the story's main problem dropped in the protagonists' laps with a resounding thump. Which was too bad, as I was enjoying myself.
• One book had a protagonist virtually pull a Star Wars Laser satellite System out of her back pocket. I kid you not.
• One book had a super powerful antagonist killed by a dog. This wasn't as bad as, say, another writer's book (we'll call this weener Godawful as not to spoil things. Not that Godawful doesn't deserve spoiling, but that's beside the point.) In the Koontz novel, the dog was at least a character, while in Godawful the animal in question came out from nowhere to end the book. Still, it smacks of Deus ex Machina to me.
• One book was an almost exact copy of an earlier Koontz book. Down to the end. And the bear of it all was that the first book was so much neater than the second...

Finally there was this one novel where one scene had a cat and dog were poking fun at the stereotypical cat/dog relationship. I read that scene and rebelled outright. No more, no more. Enough is enough. No more Koontz books. Please.

All of this looks like I'm really down on the man's work. I'm not, really. I wouldn't have brought him up here if I was. He can be a most excellent writer. It's just I've been burned too often to feel totally comfortable picking up his books.

I will say this: I have slipped on this vow in two respects. The first is that with the rerelease of some of his previous books, Koontz has been adding Afterwords talking about aspects of the novel. These are most entertaining and informative, well worth checking out.

The second is that I have read a Koontz novel since vowing never again. It was called The Face. Supernatural happenings surround the bodyguard of a famous movie actor, that sort of thing. I found it gripping while reading it, raved about it even, but after it was done I could not for the life of me say why I liked it.

It's enough to give me a bit of pause about the vow. Maybe one more... One day...

Or not. Who can say?

---

Here's a list of Dean Koontz novels I remember liking a great deal. Bear in mind that it's been a while since I read them.

• The Face of Fear - In a deserted office building, a madman stalks a psychic and his girlfriend. The only way to escape is by using mountain climbing gear and rappelling down to the street.
• Darkfall - A police detective must find a way to protect his children from invincible imps from Hell. I remember considering this very Lovecraftian back in the day, but I also remember not being able to reread it for some reason. Still, talking about it here makes me want to dig the sucker out and try again.
• Hideaway - A man comes back from a near death experience with a little more than he started with. He is pursued by another who went through a similar experience and returned with some as well. The afterwords for this novel I found most interesting.
  

Fantastic Writers - Theodore Sturgeon

Here's another writer whose changed my life. I was already well at truly a writer before I discovered^* Theodore Sturgeon's stuff, but had I not been, he'd have done it.

On this, he has said stuff that's changed the way I look at the world, and at writing. For instance, take this quote:

I repeat Sturgeon's Revelation, which was wrung out of me after twenty years of wearying defense of science fiction against attacks of people who used the worst examples of the field for ammunition, and whose conclusion was that ninety percent of it is crud.

The Revelation: Ninety percent of everything is crud.

Corollary 1: The existence of immense quantities of trash in science fiction is admitted and it is regrettable; but it is no more unnatural than the existence of trash anywhere.

Corollary 2: The best science fiction is as good as the best fiction in any field.

The percent part is arbitrary. The basic is that not everything is wonderful great keen. While he doesn't say it, it occurred to me while reading the Revelation how true that it. When we read any author's works, we're reading only the stuff that's been published, and not the false starts, the incompleted drafts, the stories that just don't work. A large portion of any writer's work is crap. That's the process. That's the route.

I've written one novel. It's crap. I know it. It's okay.

Most of the short stories I've written so far aren't worth the paper they are printed on. Not important.

What's important is that I realize what's wrong with what I've done and move on.

That's reading a lot into a remark made in frustration. But it's the thought the remark inspired in me.

The other thing to keep in mind is that, no matter what any "serious" author, reader, or critic says, there is nothing wrong with writing in the Fantastic. The service is the same, no matter what.

^* This will no doubt pop up again, but when I say "discover" I really mean "realize who this writer is." I watch "Star Trek" for years before "discovering" Sturgeon, I no doubt had seen one of the episodes he did for that series. Ditto the "New Twilight Zone".

---

Some of my favorite Theodore Sturgeon stories include, but aren't limited to:

• "He Shuttles" - A ruthless businessman is granted three wishes. Realizing that these wishes never turn out the way the wisher wants, he comes up with a scheme guaranteed to give him everything he asks for. After "The Monkey's Paw", the greatest "Three Wishes" story out there, complete with one of the best lines in all the Fantastic.
• "It" - A mindless monster stalks the countryside, killing as it goes. Grim as all get out.
• "Killdozer!" - A group of construction workers disturb the resting place of an Elder Thing, which takes possession of a bulldozer and goes on a killing spree. Sounds a bit silly... But it isn't. Not as grim as "It" or "He Shuttles"; in fact, it's more of what I think of when I think of a Sturgeon story. Plus I love that title.
  
• "Ultimate Egotist" - A man learns that if he doesn't believe in something... It doesn't exist. This proves... problematic...

Stealth Update... Go!

Oh, you'd think that, outside of this post, I hadn't added anything new to the site. But you'd be wrong. See, I picked up Godzilla: Final War last night and watched it. Thus I have seen all of the Godzillas. Thus my series of Godzilla Capsule reviews are finally complete.

Another victory for Cullen! The crowd goes wild! Smooches from all the cheerleaders!

Tomorrow should be another entry in the Fantastic Writer series. No stealth, all front and center. Assuming I have time with all the repair work Brother Eric is doing on the ole Evil Devil Box.

See you then.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year one and all!

I hope everyone spent the evening well and joyfully. I know I did.

I slept.

I slept a lot.

New Year's Day lost a lot of appeal for me once I started staying up past midnight on a regular basis. On this, being a social catapillar, I had no place to go anyhoo (Aw, poor Cullen!)

2005 was a year. It lasted 365 days. Outside of this blog and my first poor, poor little novel, my lot has remained about the same. No better, but thank God no worse. In fact, unless I can think of something later, I'd say that this was the best year of the Naught's so far.

Which isn't saying a lot.

In fact, it's saying damn little.

Today I was going to start my own little NaMoWriMo, but I think I'm going to put that off for a wee bit. Brother Eric wants to work on improving my computer's functioning and that's going to mean...

...sigh...

It means reformating the computer. Again.

At least someone competent with computers is handling things this time...

I have all of my data in a memory card smaller than my little finger. It's amazing what technology can do these days.

More tomorrow. Hopefully of substance...